A Problem

Dear Reader,

I've got a problem. I bite my nails. But that's irrelevant. My actual problem is small, kind of. I would love to simply bare my soul to all of you, well, the three of you who know this exists, but I fear. I fear that I will reveal things I shouldn't. I fear that my readers will expand and somebody will read something about them. So what do I do? Do I go forth without any regard for anybody else, effectively turning this into a form of therapy? Or do I restrain my impulses and keep the majority of my personal life out of it? This serves nobody else but me, and perhaps you. I write here so I can hone my skills as a writer, but also in the hope that I will perhaps inspire somebody, or change something. It is for me, but others are affected. So what do I do?

I don't know and I ask you, all four of you, perhaps more, what I should do. So answer! Question! Comment! Sally forth and make contact!

Ready?

Set?

GO!

On acting, perhaps?

Dear Reader,

Today I had an audition for the Stella Adler Teenage Summer Conservatory. Needless to say, I was rather good. Perhaps, not good enough for Ebert & Roeper, but certainly for the program. Apparently, my chances of getting in are very good. However, this post is not actually about me. Nor is it meant to fluff my already engorged ego. This is in fact, a deeply complex and intense (in my opinion) musing on the nature of acting, as well as the death of Heath Ledger. For some reason, it was the death of Heath Ledger that caused me to think of this. I knew him not, but somehow I have lost something, or the world has.

Constantin Stanislavsky said that acting is doing. It is a very profound statement that revolutionized acting forever. No longer was your character something made up. Now you were the character. As Romeo, you really did drink poison. You did not pretend to die for the love of Juliet, you did die for the love of Juliet. In Lord of the Rings (Which I happen to be watching now.), Elijah Wood really does become controlled by the one ring. At least, that's what it should be in theory. However, the acting industry seems to be run by those with pretty faces, rather than those with incredible technique. 

In theory, the actor should be able to bury their consciousness in their heart, thus hiding their personality. That should allow the actor to bring forth a facet of their subconsciousness that is fitting to their character. Branching out from serious acting technique and entering into psychological theory, we come to Jung's collective subconsciousness. He believed, similar to the Oversoul, in a collective subconscious. All men are bound by one subconsciousness, one single repository of life. Man is given infinite depths by the collective. In theory, I have experienced everything that you have, everything that the President has, everything that has ever been experienced. Assuming that this is true, we come back to acting, or at least, my perception of acting. By burying your consciousness, your personality, it allows the subconscious to become the conscious. It forces the actor to reveal a facet of their subconsciousness that fits the part they are playing. With the infinite unplumbed depths of the collective, this is hardly a problem. 

That is how I think of acting, my personal theory. Should an actor accomplish this, they should, in theory, be able to literally become a different person, complete with their memories, dreams, twitches, and personalities. I should no longer be Daisuke, instead, I am Tom from Tea and Sympathy.

Now to Heath Ledger. Before he died, he reported having terrible sleep problems which he eventually received medication for.  Eventually, this medication might have killed him. In the pre-production of The Dark Knight, the upcoming sequel to Batman Begins, Heath Ledger shut himself in a hotel room for a month. While there, he formulated how the Joker would think, sound, act, etc. He kept a journal of "The Joker's Thoughts." In essence, he locked himself up for a month in order to become insane. It was after production that he began to have serious trouble sleeping.

It should be noted that many critics consider his performance in The Dark Knight to be iconic. Based on the trailers, I can say that he is simply terrifying. I believe that he is the Joker, that he has no morals or sanity. I'm sure that it will be one of the greatest performances I will ever see. 

And then he died in the middle of working on another movie. But why? Here's my theory. Heath Ledger did what few could do and became the Joker. He became that vicious, psychopathic, heartless murderer. He lost his mind. The peak to which all artists aspire to , that single moment of union with art, he achieved. However, he suppressed his personality, his soul in order to assume the mantle of another. And he paid the price. 

The problem with becoming another person is losing that shell after it has served it's purpose. I believe that Heath Ledger managed to assume another soul, but he had done that so well that he could not shuck it. He had become the Joker, but had lost Heath. He had written the Joker's "thoughts" down, something that people with split personalities, or MPD often do. I believe that he took it so far as to create a second personality, a second soul in himself. I believe that the Joker's persona attempted to possess him. And in fighting for his self, he did not sleep, afraid that sleep would give the Joker a window for control. And so he died. A martyr on the altar of art. A saint lost under the folds of his own mind. This is what I believe. This is what I hope to achieve as well.

Good night.

The Emancipation of Diversity

Dear Readers,

Rejoice! This is wholly unprecedented! Two posts in one day? How will your minds stand it? How will they not melt? I wish you luck. So, here is a small background on today. Today used to be Earth Day at my school, well, until it was determined to be "Pagan". So now we have "Wellness Day". One of the speakers, a certain Eric Cooper, came and spoke on diversity. Oh, he infuriated me and now I get to take it all out on you! Brace yourself Dorothy, her comes the tempest.

I hear too much about the "Minority Achievement Gap", and how there aren't enough people of "color" in AP classes, etc. I say that is utter bullshit. First, let me preface by saying that the term "Minority Achievement Gap" is a racist term. Yes, racist. What it espouses is that there is a gap between white kids and the minorities. The minorities are not getting the same grades as the white kids. Of course, no explanation is given for this phenomena. The only thing there is the implication that these kids are failing classes because they are black, or hispanic, or any minority! Like I said, that is racist. Furthermore, it is desperately false. I myself am a minority ( A double minority in fact.) and I am in all AP classes. I know several other people who happen to be minorities and are doing very well in their classes. 

I also know many white people who are not doing very well in school. In fact, they are not doing well at all, unless you consider a 70 average good. So what is the answer then? It's true that there is an achievement gap, but it's certainly not based around race. In fact, it is class. There is a Class Achievement Gap. The one thing that the black kids who were failing and the white kids who were failing have in common. They all can be found in the lower classes. It makes a lot of sense, those in the lower classes cannot afford the right tutors, the right books, the right resources as the upper classes. I could bore you with statistics, but I don't have any. I can tell you however that I am right. And I don't expect, nor do I care if you believe me. 

The question inevitably arises, then why does it appear that the black kids are the ones that are failing? The answer is sad, but simple. Since slavery, the African-American population has been subjugated over and over again. Even after the Civil Rights Movement, there was still a whole lot of discrimination. Due to the crop-sharing system, and various other factors like the KKK, many blacks were afraid of voting, or of seeking higher education. Look at the Little Rock 9! Even with the power of the Supreme Court behind them, people still tried to stop them from getting to school. Due to many factors such as those, a portion of the black population has ended up in the lower classes, often residing near or in large cities working in dead end jobs. That is not to say that all black people are in the lower class, nor does it mean that there are no white people in the same class. Rather, there is quite a few white people in the lower classes, however, they tend to live in more rural areas. Hispanics are blocked by a very simple thing. The enormous language barrier. Also, many of the immigrants were dirt poor in their country, so they had nothing to start with here.

I believe the term "Minority Achievement Gap" is wildly inaccurate. I would rather extoll the more precise, and more valid "Class Achievement Gap". I ask you to consider what I have written and comment on it. Comment here, to your friends, to your family. This is an important conversation and it is up to you to start it. It is up to you to form your own ideas and question mine. It is up to question the accepted norm. It is in your hands to think and it rests on your shoulders to consider one of the most volatile issues of the day. Good night, and good luck.

But first, a list with all the questions you could ever want.

Dear Reader,

This following post will be in the form of a "poem". I cannot promise that it will be very good, but I have Say Anything blasting in the background, so it will hopefully be interesting at the very least. It will also be total stream of consciousness, Dave Eggers style. Oh, and completely unedited except for spelling. Here goes! Wish me luck!

He said Monday, the first day...

But what to do?

Is it SoHo's Uniqlo, playing Barbie and Ken,

Dressing him in all finery and laughing together?

Or do we go to Valhalla, home of the gods,

And do we scale a mountain?

Lord those peaks, 

They're metaphorical, metaphysical, metal contraptions.

Grounded in tangible, yet fake rocks, will we climb to the top?

Or do we do the unspeakable,

No!

Stop it!

Get your head out of the gutter!

Lord, I am offended.

The unspeakable, a simple lunch where we

Get To Know You,

For an hour, maybe more?

And what to wear, to think, to see, to do, to act upon?

What impulses to quell?

That double edged sword that Monday is,

It has the ring of a death knell.

To You!

Dear Readers,

Henceforth, I will be directing all posts to you, my dear readers in the form of letters. I hope you enjoy. There is nothing to report today, at least, nothing I want to share. But tomorrow or Friday, you can expect a wondrous post on diversity and race.

I know. Hold your breath. It's going to be amazing.

Sincerely,

Me

A Very Mossy Rock

This is an issue that has been sitting in my head for a very long time. Hence, the rock has gathered a lot of moss, assuming that the rock is a metaphor for the issue I spoke of. The issue is simple, the issue is old, the issue is a terrible thing to ponder. But it is basically summed up by solipsism, for those of you who know what that is. And here it is.

How could I possibly know if I am, or if I am not the only mind in the universe? I am conscious of myself and only myself. I know I exist, although I doubt that sometimes, but I don't know if anybody else exists. I cannot be anybody else besides myself, so I'm trapped. There isn't a way to tell, to prove if I am the sole existence. It's terrible, I know. They, whoever "they" are, say that it is ridiculous. Of course other people exist! 

Of course! How could I have been so stupid? While the sarcasm drips from your eyes, I'll get started again. Solipsism states that I am the only mind in the universe, the only consciousness. Everything else is a construct of my mind. The proof for solipsism exists, but if I exist as the sole mind, then it isn't proof at all, just a justification that I created. The proof is this. Experiments on the human brain have caused the subject to experience sights, smells, memories, sensations, etc. Many epileptics, before going into a seizure, claim to smell something, be it oranges or burnt toast. The mind is wholly capable of fabricating sensation and experience, so it is not so improbable that one mind can create a world. But if there is but one mind, then this "proof" exists only as a figment of the one mind.

But assuming that I am the one mind in the universe, why can't I mold the world as I see fit? Why can't I play God? There are several answers. One is that I do control the world, just through my subconscious. Another is that I don't allow myself to control the world, I let my mind expand to it's fullest, free from desire. Yet another is that all the creations are facets of my mind, and that I cannot change those facets anymore than I can change my mortality.

Yes. I know. In the end there is no answer and everywhere you turn, there is yet another refutation to whatever answer you found. So what was the point? Stop talking. There needs not be a point. Although you will never know, the point may have been to waste your time. Or it may have been to wipe some of the moss off of the rock. It's wonderful, because you will never know! So here goes! Start thinking! Find your own answers. Although, if I am the sole mind in the universe, then you already have an answer, it's my answer, whatever that may be.

Peace out Dear Readers.

HELLO!

Hello Blogosphere!

How are you all today?

I'm sure you are all surprised, but this has absolutely nothing to do with Panic At the Disco.

I just used their name.

Shameless, I know.

Well, I guess I'll use this post as the mission statement, or the intro.

I'm going to use this as an outlet for anything and everything.

By the time I finish, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful map of my mind.

Or perhaps I'll have the makings of a book.

Oh well, here goes!